Shadow of Subconsciousness

Friday, 19 May 2017

The Gender Tag

I'm re-answering to Ashley Wylde's The Gender Tag Project



1. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you?
I go by non-binary. It means that I'm neither male nor female.

2. What pronouns honor you?
They/them, luckily Finnish has only one for everyone.

3. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.
Everything is black, always black. I lean towards grayscale things in general. More or less artsy/rocker&metal/nerdy. Tight jeans, leather jackets, zip hoodies, tank tops, ponchos, print tees, something weirdly flowy.. sometimes even sweatpants or leather pants. Always some accessories, to which I have four go-tos: ear cuff on left ear (making company to the piercing), ring on right index finger, symbolistic necklace and/or specific scarf tied around right ankle.

4. Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? What do you choose to shave, or choose not to shave?
I comb my hair when it needs it, sometimes I keep it open and sometimes it's tied fully or partly. A little bit hair spray if feeling like it. I don't (almost unfortunately) grow facial hair. I keep all of my body hair (by this I mean hair, armpits and pubic hair) neat with tiny scissors.

5. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What types of soaps and perfumes do you use if any?
I rarely use makeup, and when I do it's only brows and eye pencil(s). I also sometimes paint part or all of my nails black (I general I kind of like how they look naturally, since I see the shape I keep 'em in). I use soaps that smell like milk/vanilla/toffee/chocolate, and I use sensitive slightly perfumed roll-on. I also have one go-to spicy & mystical unisex perfume, if I feel like smelling particularly nice that day.

6. Have you experienced being misgendered? If so, how often?
Yup, but only mostly by people who don't known me anyway - and I'm luckily in that sort of situation at the moment where this sort of thing doesn't happen everyday. But when I do get misgendered, I try hard to think that the person can't generally know just by looking at me (and that I'm just really good at being invisible when I want to).

7. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?
I have my moments, yes. Boobs, hips.. the usual package. Sometimes even my hair which fucks me up the most. Well, I end up thinking ways how I could neutralize these feelings and spend less time worrying about 'em; mostly through clothing or just general everyday choices. I admit sometimes I end up having a bit more heavy hypothetical thoughts about me with a completely flat chest, or from time to time (problematically) having a prosthetic in my pants to boost up my masculinity outside my apartment - either one, would be interesting to try for the sake of experimenting. I personally want to keep playing around with my gender expression more (rather than taking it too seriously anymore). I find that variability in style is interesting, and it even relieves the stress and discomfort. After all: It's just the way I look on the outside.

8. Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?
Adopting with a partner ain't off the table, and we'd both equally be the caretakers. If living alone, while being older, I might be interested in being foster parent from time to time - depending on my current living situation and all that of course.

9. Talk about money. Is it important to you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay for you or offer to pay for you?
I couldn't care less who makes more money; me or my partner, when both of us just manage to carry ourselves - that's important for me. I prefer that both of us pay for our own things, but I usually don't mind if the other person wants to cosset a little bit and offers to pay (if the thing they're paying for ain't substantial!). I very rarely offer to pay, unless it's some sort of celebration day and I've just planned & payed the whole thing anyway.

10. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?
It's been a long way for me to come to this far, stand with my own to feet and tell all of this with pure confidence. I want you to know and remember that everything doesn't necessarily happen in one day, and that we all are growing and changing all the time. Remember to be open, don't be afraid, and listen to yourself.


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