Shadow of Subconsciousness

Sunday, 30 April 2017

Blueheart


Deep conversation go all the way to the night, my heart feels like it'll burst in half 'cause of all the emotions. I feel like I've been emotionally open, my body receives and feels shivers, energy waves and even is on the edge of tears sometimes just 'cause it can. I've been feeling a lot of myself and my surroundings.

I try to learn that I don't always need to know what I'm doing while I'm doing it, while I'm doing progress with something creative. I want to unlearn the critique and pressure I've learned in the past years. I want to learn how to give more space to art again. I want to learn to listen myself better, to do more self expression in a form of art. I tend to sometimes put this on some sort of break.. I need to get that knot open once again.

For the first time in my life I've been wearing a perfume and actually enjoying it. I've found such a nice unisex smell, a bit of blue and seemingly just right amount of spiciness without it being musty. I feel like I want to smell fresh and have a hint of that mysterious smell on me all the time.

I've been re-watching TV-series from here and there, and just losing my mind into books and to the physical sides of 'em. I hyped one book and read in in couple of days when it finally arrived, and yet I still have one truly interesting masterpiece waiting to be finished.

I've started to paying attention to the fact how much English I really have around me all the time.. I somehow feel anti-Finn in many ways. I sometimes can't even see when I fluctuate to English, I forget that it's not Finnish. I'm consuming English so much sometimes that I forget what's Finnish even like - where do I start, how do I change back? Like Finland in general is just too small place for me. I guess I have that "international vibe"?

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