Shadow of Subconsciousness

Sunday, 30 July 2017

Nerdy week



Ropecon 2017 passed by, and as 4th time in a row I was there spending full on nerdy saturday. The day went really fast; eating, watching hall cosplay competition, listening someone from The Finnish Museum of Games tell a bit about it and playing board games (including our silly tradition: Escape).


Also I just have to say that Overcooked is hilarious with two players! Me and brother full on 100% completed it and the DLC. Maybe we even got decent at it~?


Friday, 21 July 2017

Strawberries and laughter


3 liters of strawberries, brownies, ice-cream, good food, movies (including Spirit!), geocaches, little bit of shopping in the city, warmth and rain, lots of laughter, YouTube, TV, cozy atmosphere and my dear big sister Sari. That's what my last sunday-wednesday was made of. Miss you already.


Saturday, 15 July 2017

"Why do you love writing?"

Almost all of us know how to communicate through talking or writing. Imagine art form which always walks hand in hand with you no matter where you go - so many have access to it, yet many don't even really see it. It's like an invisible art, melody which only some people have the skill of seeing naturally, and some seek to discover the paths to dive into it as well. It's in the atmosphere all the time, none of us can really escape it. Not that it harms anyone, really. I think it's quite peaceful as it is, but it indeed can be used in such a powerful ways. Single tones and chances of letters can mean so much; you can make it sound like a soft wave that's passing by, which makes you smile like you haven't ever smiled before, or like storming tidal wave with a thing that feels like an apocalypse riding on top of it. You name it, this art as any other has the variety. But it's true that it's been rumored that this art form even has thousands of languages to begin the symphony with.

What do you see, when you see letters?



tiny glimpse of my thoughts from wednesday-thursday night.

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

Helsinki Pride 2017



Last week's saturday was something special; I went to my 2nd (Helsinki) Pride event, but this was the first time I went as openly non-binary. Even wearing the nb flag around my shoulders (as far as I'm aware I was the only one with that flag)! This year was also the first year that the pride parade was streamed, which was really nice. I even found myself surprised by how many trans flags there were, it seems that people actually and even openly care about the trans law now (which warms my heart).

I was at the Pride with my little sister Nao, who I hadn't seen for ages. It was really nice to do some catching up and see that we still found ourselves laughing like we did at the old times. Overall had a really lovely day.



Thursday, 22 June 2017

Gamer, wha-?


On monday afternoon I headed to Helsinki, to meet brother and to do a little going around the city and + to hunt down external USB sound card thingy to plug my headset into, that I don't need to plug/unplug it every time I use it on PC. So, basically got my gamer gear a bit updated.



Also I was going to see Resident Evil Vendetta at 9pm! Even our cousin joined us on that one. I could say it's the best movie of all the three, at least it was freakin' amazing to experience at cinema - also it felt pretty cool that Finkino it didn't have subtitles, I truly felt like I was a part of the global day they only viewed it.

Also since Finland didn't get Resident Evil: The Final Chapter into cinemas, it happened to pop into shops at the same day, me and brother of course also watched that on tuesday. Not bad, I say. Now, again, I'm up-to-date with Resident Evil movies.

I also tried out Tekken 7 on wednesday with my all time favourite Yoshimitsu, which luckily as a character haaad gotten a bit better again.


But how are you going to spend your Midsummer? I'll probably build up a fortress to my bed and play this, long-awaited & hyped, which I was fortunate enough to pick up from the mail yesterday evening:


Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Night owl


It's been really nice to notice there has been nothing marked on my calendar for this or the last week. I can't actually even remember the last time I had so much proper spare time. With that I've totally lost the track of reasonable sleeping, but luckily "reasonable" is relative. I've found myself up near 6am without feeling tired at all, having the most amazing conversations long into the night. I don't think my brains have even allowed me to sleep properly, not that it bothers me, since I've just been so excited about everything. Losing the track of days and all that. So yeah, hello, it's 2 o'clock on the morning. Let me ramble a little bit. What I've been doing?


I've slowly continued my twitter header project which currently looks like this:


Abe so doesn't know.

Another social media thingy: I feel like I'm finally proper proud of my blogs - this and Henkäys. I think I've officially ran out of things to fix with the layouts (at least I quite like 'em). Now, the only thing I can make better is the content. The future looks bright.


I've also been enjoying Leo's June Juornaling Challenge. Generally makes me more active with traditional pen & paper setup, and which might be the coolest thing about it: my journal gets more sketching in it. The idea is pretty much to write 3 things down that you feel grateful for, and also answer to one single question, but the trick is that you do that every single day for the month of June. I can't believe it's pretty much half way done already, been so much fun to activate my brain cells to think with guidelines.

Last week I was also geocaching a bit more, even proper solved one geocache on the spot~ Such a activating thing to do; pleasant geocaching friend crowns it all.



I've been slowly and carefully re-organizing my living space, which is really exciting - it's a work in progress (but I gott to say right now it feels really upbeat). Upper back exercises are going reasonably well and all that. I also watched E3 streams with company, which ended up being really pleasant experience. There were even some games that made me really excited (e.g. A Way Out & The Evil Within)!

Also I just want to say that 3 days of rain has been really nice for a change, on top of the fact that my hay fever is gone, so I can actually smell the rain.. and oh, I can tell you; it feels amazingly refreshing. Summer is here, nature has become so green and beautiful~




That's my ramble for now, got my main thoughts out.
I hope you're having a nice week!

Monday, 5 June 2017

Why is the time always gone?


I feel like lots of things happened last week. I woke up on monday morning, for some reason I didn't slept properly even tho I had reserved that night for myself to be alone. I took off to visit brother. He had purchased Doctor Strange which he wanted to show me, and I even quite liked it at the end; very thought-provoking. We also went to watch the famous new Pirates of the Caribbean in Scape's specially tailored lazer projector 14 fL 3D way. I could say that I clearly noticed the difference, and therefore ended up liking that experience really much. And for everyone who wonders is the movie any good.. well, it's definitely better than the 4th one. It's funny trailer advertising didn't warm me up at all, it has tiny untied things in it, but in general it's a good movie! I quite liked it.

On wednesday we visited our parents, and I finally muttered it out that I'm changing my name reeeally soon. I even started in such a way that mom got freaked out and asked has someone died.. way to go me and my sad/scared tone. But mom seemed to take it well and life goes on. Otherwise me and brother pretty much just lost into HoMM 4 after a long time - such a  good and classig game.


On thusday evening I got home and had another friday ahead of me when I'd meet my physiotherapist (I also had met her last friday). This time she gave me bunch of exercises to do, so now I'm left with good advices for the future. I can later call a new appointment if I start to feel like it.

On saturday I went to hunt some geocaches (even a mystery one!) with an old working pal of mine. Other than that I pretty much spent my weekend continuing Diablo III with Milo:




I've also been cooking different type of good food lately, I'm really enjoying the new eating habits. And the fact that it haven't felt like much of a work.

Aaand I started this cool tiny project yesterday! I just got fed up with my twitter header and got this crazy idea.. that maybe, just maybe, I could create something just by myself from scratch? Well, yesterday I finished this one piece...




...and I could say it looks pretty neat? I'm currently working on doing more, even tho I got told that Sly looks quite nice there by himself, too, but I want to test out how he'd look if I put some friends in there. Any guesses who they're going to be? No, they're not going to be Bentley or Murray - they're going to be from totally different games (and some also from a different platform)!

But yeah, this is what my life has been about lately.
I hope your week has started well!

Sunday, 28 May 2017

Motley dreams (and news)


I see a dream where a friend of mine murders my whole family after lying that we're together. I see a dream where we escape Michael Myers. I see a dream about mysterious labyrinth house that me and my childhood family move in; demons lure in the corners, clones walk on ceilings, have cut open stomachs, completely white eyes and hideous grins. The real you occasionally disappear to the mist or you just casually stab 'em to death without wanting to admit the world (purgatory?) that we're in. I see dream about fictional character (Eliot Waught), maybe for the first time ever in my life. I see a dream where we me and a friend of mine go to a concert after a weird bus trip that's full of laughter, and just have a conversation after how we missed this. I see dreams where you touch me, I see dreams that we've met, that we're really in love.


I've officially started taking steps towards leaving meat and dairy out from my diet, I'm feeling fresh and powerful. I've discovered that at least my body is otherwise in a really good shape - I just need to work with the right scapula, and apparently go and take an x-ray of my right wrist when I have the energy, I might have something weird going on with the bones.

I've been jogging, walking and practising self-care. I've been laughing and having lots of thoughts about the world; me, my surroundings and everything further than that. Hell, I've even been playing Diablo III again! Summer starts to be here, and I believe I have the power to make my life truly mine. Also, still some mysterious waiting. It remains as a mystery until autumn arrives, "the secret" shall be revealed in time.


I'm also going to participate in one journaling challenge next month,
so you can expect to see that in here.

Friday, 19 May 2017

The Gender Tag

I'm re-answering to Ashley Wylde's The Gender Tag Project



1. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you?
I go by non-binary. It means that I'm neither male nor female.

2. What pronouns honor you?
They/them, luckily Finnish has only one for everyone.

3. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.
Everything is black, always black. I lean towards grayscale things in general. More or less artsy/rocker&metal/nerdy. Tight jeans, leather jackets, zip hoodies, tank tops, ponchos, print tees, something weirdly flowy.. sometimes even sweatpants or leather pants. Always some accessories, to which I have four go-tos: ear cuff on left ear (making company to the piercing), ring on right index finger, symbolistic necklace and/or specific scarf tied around right ankle.

4. Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? What do you choose to shave, or choose not to shave?
I comb my hair when it needs it, sometimes I keep it open and sometimes it's tied fully or partly. A little bit hair spray if feeling like it. I don't (almost unfortunately) grow facial hair. I keep all of my body hair (by this I mean hair, armpits and pubic hair) neat with tiny scissors.

5. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What types of soaps and perfumes do you use if any?
I rarely use makeup, and when I do it's only brows and eye pencil(s). I also sometimes paint part or all of my nails black (I general I kind of like how they look naturally, since I see the shape I keep 'em in). I use soaps that smell like milk/vanilla/toffee/chocolate, and I use sensitive slightly perfumed roll-on. I also have one go-to spicy & mystical unisex perfume, if I feel like smelling particularly nice that day.

6. Have you experienced being misgendered? If so, how often?
Yup, but only mostly by people who don't known me anyway - and I'm luckily in that sort of situation at the moment where this sort of thing doesn't happen everyday. But when I do get misgendered, I try hard to think that the person can't generally know just by looking at me (and that I'm just really good at being invisible when I want to).

7. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?
I have my moments, yes. Boobs, hips.. the usual package. Sometimes even my hair which fucks me up the most. Well, I end up thinking ways how I could neutralize these feelings and spend less time worrying about 'em; mostly through clothing or just general everyday choices. I admit sometimes I end up having a bit more heavy hypothetical thoughts about me with a completely flat chest, or from time to time (problematically) having a prosthetic in my pants to boost up my masculinity outside my apartment - either one, would be interesting to try for the sake of experimenting. I personally want to keep playing around with my gender expression more (rather than taking it too seriously anymore). I find that variability in style is interesting, and it even relieves the stress and discomfort. After all: It's just the way I look on the outside.

8. Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?
Adopting with a partner ain't off the table, and we'd both equally be the caretakers. If living alone, while being older, I might be interested in being foster parent from time to time - depending on my current living situation and all that of course.

9. Talk about money. Is it important to you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay for you or offer to pay for you?
I couldn't care less who makes more money; me or my partner, when both of us just manage to carry ourselves - that's important for me. I prefer that both of us pay for our own things, but I usually don't mind if the other person wants to cosset a little bit and offers to pay (if the thing they're paying for ain't substantial!). I very rarely offer to pay, unless it's some sort of celebration day and I've just planned & payed the whole thing anyway.

10. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?
It's been a long way for me to come to this far, stand with my own to feet and tell all of this with pure confidence. I want you to know and remember that everything doesn't necessarily happen in one day, and that we all are growing and changing all the time. Remember to be open, don't be afraid, and listen to yourself.


Friday, 12 May 2017

Comeback of the paper hat

When you don't know what to wear.. just wear everything darling.
Oh yeah I haven't worn that paper hat since summer 2012.. I kind of got tired of it being just a decoration.

There has been days when I've only opened up my mouth to speak English - makes me wonder how much my life has changed. Developing things with language that ain't my native one. Also going to be watching Eurovision Song Contest finale while chatting in English.

Days when I feel like I'd want to live out of suitcase, that I definitely need to declutter stuff even more (which I have done). I deleted some of my internet accounts in a hope of finding inner piece better - continuously being out in the open all around without any particular reason is actually surprisingly tiring, and I've always said I'd rather meet people through what I do than anything else. So now my digital footpring is even a little bit more in control. I want to focus better on things that I have going on, not to be separated to all sort of different places at once. I've also been less on PC, what is this sorcery. Hello TV screen.


And yeah, I went to check King Arthur for the sake of the director, in advance even. The raaare moment when this fox hypes the director even a little bit - gotta love those Sherlock movies. King Arthur had it's ups and downs, but overall I enjoyed it. I'd say it's one of those cases where the trailer is so well built that it creates challenge for the movie itself.  In addition of the usage of the cameras, I want to mention the extremely fitting audio (minus two parts when I'd say the sound lost it's original touch via too much editing - but hey, who am I to say? I've only done one soundscape that went to official use and so on - besides I think this is mostly a matter of opinion. so).


And just for the sake of comparison.. here's me being 16 with the hat:

In a certain light..  I don't age much, do I?

Saturday, 6 May 2017

Such a happy raccoon


Yesterday I saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, which in my opinion was even better than the first one. It's still making me happy. I joked that the movie should start with Rocket, and also end with him on the screen.. I got the second one, so..! + the amount of music it has in it! Also it was super nice to have brother here, we played Telltale's The Walking Dead + it's DLC. Such a nice game!

Currently feeling exhausted yet still full of thoughts. Lovin' & waiting this, I let it speak for itself:


And now since we're on the subject of music: Thunder is also preeeetty nice, Imagine Dragons seems to keep their touch even tho they evolve. I absolutely adore their full on black clothing, and the fact that the whole video is in grayscale.. the meaning of the lyrics.. I just, ah.

I feel like I'm selling my soul to art/culture, and yet I love every second of it. These things will always continue making me extremely happy. I feel like my soul is smiling.

Sunday, 30 April 2017

Blueheart


Deep conversation go all the way to the night, my heart feels like it'll burst in half 'cause of all the emotions. I feel like I've been emotionally open, my body receives and feels shivers, energy waves and even is on the edge of tears sometimes just 'cause it can. I've been feeling a lot of myself and my surroundings.

I try to learn that I don't always need to know what I'm doing while I'm doing it, while I'm doing progress with something creative. I want to unlearn the critique and pressure I've learned in the past years. I want to learn how to give more space to art again. I want to learn to listen myself better, to do more self expression in a form of art. I tend to sometimes put this on some sort of break.. I need to get that knot open once again.

For the first time in my life I've been wearing a perfume and actually enjoying it. I've found such a nice unisex smell, a bit of blue and seemingly just right amount of spiciness without it being musty. I feel like I want to smell fresh and have a hint of that mysterious smell on me all the time.

I've been re-watching TV-series from here and there, and just losing my mind into books and to the physical sides of 'em. I hyped one book and read in in couple of days when it finally arrived, and yet I still have one truly interesting masterpiece waiting to be finished.

I've started to paying attention to the fact how much English I really have around me all the time.. I somehow feel anti-Finn in many ways. I sometimes can't even see when I fluctuate to English, I forget that it's not Finnish. I'm consuming English so much sometimes that I forget what's Finnish even like - where do I start, how do I change back? Like Finland in general is just too small place for me. I guess I have that "international vibe"?

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Standing on my own two feet


In a way I've been less online; I've consumed media but I have stood back from speaking myself. I want to take more space to myself and realize where my heart is, and that my home is actually in my heart no matter where I am. I've fully internalized that time is the most valuable thing a person can give to another. In my opinion one of the worst prisons you can put yourself in, is caring about other people's expectations.

I've started to view my body more as a vessel, and I try to keep my vessel (and mind!) healthy by remembering to practice self care in multiple ways, trying to remember that I have more than one sense. I wish to find and practice more of some traditional traditions, such as generally celebrating spring in a good, chill, spirit. I'd really like to learn to appreciate yoga or something similar to it, rather than having the realization that it makes me bored.

I've realized how much like an art clothing can be, it's like a piece of armor that you put on you every single day, to reflect your inner being to the outside world - I'd like to become even better & conscious with that. I've, again, thought more about the planet and everything that's living, and I'd really like to take full responsibility from my actions and learn to make better ones - not just in theory.

I keep seeing dreams about bombings, murder, molesting, the sky falling,.. on the other hand I also see dreams where my needs come true. Sometimes on the morning it takes me a tiny bit of time to fully realize, that I've shifted back to the reality. Boredom must indeed be an illusion.


I've realized that after I graduated and moved out to live on my own, I achieved both of my main goals, and therefore ended up with an empty hand. I think staring and being in a relationship at that point of my life was keeping my inner goals blank. I didn't value inventing new personal ones as much as I should've, and neither did I allow myself to wholeheartedly grow as a person. Living on my own with a degree on my hands was all I ever wanted, it equaled freedom tor me.

I never thought I could write honest blog while I still lived at my parents, and I admit I didn't think how to handle my first official relationship online. I think at the end I overcompensated it, since the case was totally opposite of what it was "previously". I also wrote this blog when I wasn't fine with my gender, and I still used my birth name. And I don't even want to start with the fact that figuring out this unique username took time.

I think now it's the right time that I turn the big chapter; admit that this blog can't never, timeline-wise, hold as much content as my poem site. I want to have a clean start. I have the power to make this environment fully comfortable, and I've decided to take it. I'm going to pull back every blog post that I wrote before I changed the language of this blog into English, so you won't be able to read 'em anymore. I don't need to prove anything to the world, and neither am I ashamed, but I've come to a conclusion that the material in the past ain't the kind I want to reflect to the world - at least in the present tense they were written in.

I want to give a big hug to everyone who has followed me throughout the years, and welcome you to this new chapter. Nothing will particularly change, except that the content will be better than ever before!


Tuesday, 25 April 2017

What about.. self-care?


Well, I went to physiotherapy for the first time, and I want to tell a little bit about it. First I want to admit that I was skeptic would it help me at all, since so far I've had my own ways and tricks to manage with my wrist - I started to have problems with it back at trade school, and it haven't been the same since.

Side note: I walked to the waiting hall and immediately was strike with a wave like I had walked into kindergarten, since there were two baby strollers and all the posters looked so happy and colorful.. but nope, I was at the right place. And I'd say half of the people that visited there around 9am were tiny kids and the other half adults just like me. Kind of nice to actually notice that these sort of problems really don't care about the age they develop. And the staff of the place was really pleasant, seemed to know how to handle different sort of people.


I went there to simply get everyday help with my wrist, but ended up with so much more deeper knowledge: I got to know that my left leg might be tiny bit taller than my right one. My left shoulder blade (and the shoulder in general) are upper than my right ones, even tho my clavicle (aka collar bones) are balanced. There seems to be something weirdly wrong around my right wrist; I may have native problem with my thumb bone, and I need to learn ways to chill my wrist joint.

About my right shoulder blade.. well, it barely moves at all. I knew that my shoulder area has been stuck basically since I was a child, but I honestly thought that the wrist was the key to everything. Oh, how wrong I was. To put it simple: the physiotherapist explained that the muscle around the bone that connects the shoulder blade is in such a powerful/over exercised shape that it doesn't know how to relax, and the other muscles around it [the shoulder blade] definitely needs to be strengthened since they've become weak/are stuck.

I left the room with elastic therapeutic tape around my wrist, which might (she said that it works with ~50% people) help the blood flow. I must say that it doesn't look like my skin is reacting to it (which apparently happens with some people), but I sense the area + area around it tingles once in awhile, so I believe it actually does something - it even feels kind of pleasant. So it'll stay there for two days. I also got adjustable wrist strap to try, which I can use when I feel like it, but I must start sleeping with it on (to avoid weird positions and just generally to let my wrist relax). I also got told that I'm not allowed to touch my dumbbells until the next appointment, I can exercise my back/stomach and I got to keep doing specific everyday exercises + buy exercise band (also old tights would be fine but who has those) to do stuff with five times a week. Jogging, swimming and those sorts of things are also sweet.

Sssoooo.. This nerd needs to work on some lifestyle changes.



Sunday, 23 April 2017

Sweet weekend


My good friend Sari came to visit. We baked 18 delicious super chocolaty muffins (and of course ate all of 'em!), shopped new coats for both of us (you'll probably see mine in pics in the future), went out for walks, watched cute movie (pssst, watch Billy Elliot) and so many extremely hilarious YouTube videos.. overall just laughed quite much and had some deep conversations here and there. I miss you already.

Monday, 17 April 2017

Disguise everything


Lately I've felt mentally drained.

I see weird dreams. I feel like I keep disappointing people; time passes by and I cough up that I want to keep my independence. Things end up eating me from the inside. I feel like in reality my identity as a whole takes huge space no matter do I want it or not. I need to feel like I exist completely, or I want to be left alone. I wish people would do their research instead of automatically putting me under an examination. I wish people would sincerely believe me, when I say something doesn't work with me as they tend think by default. I still don't understand prying, and I think I never will. Eventually I find myself in the corner of the bed, with a burning head and a hurting heart, while I cry my lungs out, until we both just fall asleep.

Sometimes I feel so many colors at once that the colors lose their meaning.

Sunday, 9 April 2017

Green note


Today have been a good day. I did my deed and voted in the local elections. Saw a friend again, walked around while having casual and good conversations.


Overall this week has passed quite nicely. On wednesday it rained, so I stayed indoors and opened up a chocolate bar that had been waiting me for weeks, and listened the raindrops tingling my window. Gaming far long into the night with such an awesome company.

I've learned to eat even more versatile way, and I've done 5 proper walk/jogging sessions in total. Today the weather was almost surreal: I could just put a long sleeved shirt on, and even left my hat home without freezing my ears at all! The air felt warm. I've started to view my body more as a whole, as a vessel that's truly mine. Trying to fully absorb that fact that others opinions doesn't matter as long as I feel good.  Tummy has also liked the amount of exercise I've put myself through; it has felt more real, more healthy and flat. IBS I'm kicking your ass again!

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

The shadow


I feel like my brain has been divided in half, my right side feels pain and it feels heavy, the left side is the happy and real version of me, but I've been left in the middle ground where everything feels like nothing. I've gone too distant from the left side of me that feels light, the shadow in me has taken the control. On the other hand I'm so full of of emotions but on the other hand I'm empty from everything. In these moments the shadow have separated itself from me, got so powerful that it covers nearly my whole body and not just one part of it. I can feel it in many places inside my body, in my veins and bones. It's heavy, sharp and it tingles, at the worst and/or at the end it also burns.

When I move myself everything tends to work a little slower, like I have some sort of slow motion switch that has been turned on. In some ways it feels dope, but it also pisses me off since I'd like to be able to do things normally. I rationally acknowledge working out / sports in general tend to help the body to feel better, to feel more connected. But at this point my muscles seem to just click from overexertion and I just feel the real urge to get something done, so I drag myself out to the fresh air. At least that's good for your body. 

I find myself feeling exhausted but steps go along. I find myself going back months and years inside my head and thinking about the times that feel similar to the present moment. I wonder do the seeds still grow inside me - how are the things and situations right now, even when I realize almost none of 'em are even really present anymore. But how are they? I try to grab a hold of numerous different songs that are playing through my headphones but I can't seem to reach that far. Would I feel the engine bonnet hitting me at all, or would the inner me just freely fly out in the air?

I keep putting one feet after another, checking the surroundings and making my way back home - safely as always. I keep writing stuff during the day. I keep trying to get a hold of anything in this reality. I feel foggy or my surroundings feel like so. I know the signs, I know this ain't the actual me, and this luckily won't last forever - I'd go mad if it would. At the end all I can do is to wait the shadow to accept itself as part of the mechanism (stop the joking to be the whole mechanism, dry its energy out), and blend back into the bigger picture when I get the full access back, and can fully make myself feel better, even good, again.

Saturday, 25 March 2017

Gettin' active



On wednesday I was a bit of a green thumb, since I doubled the amount of plant pots I have on my windowshill. I originally had one plant, then while I lived back at my parents it doubled itself. Last spring I got my third. Now, all of a sudden, I have a total of six of 'em and two of 'em consist two plants. Since when did my one plant suddenly became eight..? I'm a bit scared of next spring to be honest.. Am I going to have over 10 plants? Anyone want to give a nice caring home for some of 'em?




On thursday I just casually went out for a walk (pics from that!), since I woke up with a weird pair or muscles being sensitive after wednesdays proper walk/jogging. It seems like I always tend to do that.. pull a muscle when I go for the first proper walk of the year. Not complaining tho, I just find it interesting how it's different pair or muscles every year - it's like I'm discovering something new each time!

Yesterday morning I went to buy a pair of curtains that were on sale, the ones that properly block light. Say I'm funny or not, I actually put 'em behind my actual curtains, so I basically have double layer. I don't yet have an iron, and even if I did, I bet blank gray ones wouldn't look as nice. Might look a bit heavy to have two curtains on top of each other, but let's face it: my furnitures are only in black or dark wooden color, so at least in my opinion they don't stand out weirdly. Three yays: 1. for sun not ruining my pitch black bunker (aka home), 2. I can sleep properly and 3. it's actually much cooler when the sunlight stays out. I'm such a happy nerd now.


Overall I've just stayed in touch with friends, watched movies and lots of YouTube, been on social media.. the usual. Spring has properly kicked it's affect on me and I've done two proper workout sessions and walks this week in total. Body approves. I'm feeling much more energetic in general. We shall see when the hay (birch) fever starts to push me back down (and will the pills that I got too late last year actually work or do I keep blowing blood out of my nose). Anyways: So far so good!

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Pastel sky


Hey y'all. My head has been feeling like it's in the middle of some swift. It's weird to think about how little you actually knew yourself a year ago, or even a month ago. I think it's extremely important to be constantly evolving, and to not to be scared of growing and changing. It's also important to let people around you change, no matter what it will do to your connection. It's important not to try to change another to fit your life (or anything) better.

I've also discovered that I actually wish to read more books with (modern) poetry. I haven't ever been properly into poetry, mainly 'cause I'm (as with many things) really picky about what sort of poems I like. But I lately read one poem book (which was in English btw!) that I genuinely liked. And I wish to find more like it.


The past 5 weekends in a row I've had a friend to stay over (btw we completed Sly 2 and 3: 100%), so after that long time I'm finally having a week for myself (which almost seems weird). Yesterday I was walking with a friend, and today I was walking two hours with another friend. I also did a workout, but it still somehow feels like I have too much time to sit on my PC for example.

I've been planning to start my proper walk/jogging things, since snow has been melting away from streets quite nicely since last week (sunday-monday night surprise snowing doesn't count, it melted away already!), so it starts to be really good weather to just put sneakers on and not to slip anymore. Luckily a good hoodie is also enough even in 0°C weather, if I just know what else to put on - since I still have no intentions to purchase "a sport jacket".

We shall see how this week goes!

ps. happy World Poetry Day